| 1. John Ellis Bush | = | Hell, I shun jobs |
| 2. Benjamin Solomon Carson | = | Men, I can loan *morons* jobs! |
| 3. Christopher James Christie | = | Those sharp critics jeer him |
| 4. Rafael Edward Cruz | = | Dreadful war craze |
| 5. Mark Whitty Everson | = | Very mistaken worth |
| 6. Cara Carleton Fiorina | = | A fair concern to a liar |
| 7. Lindsey Olin Graham | = | Ah, I'm one sly darling |
| 8. Michael Dale Huckabee | = | Ace? Ha! Dumb like a leech |
| 9. Piyush "Bobby" Jindal | = | I'd buy job by his plan |
| 10. John Richard Kasich | = | Join hard, rich hacks |
| 11. George Elmer Pataki | = | Me? I kept a larger ego |
| 12. Randal Howard Paul | = | A hard, loud war plan |
| 13. Richard "Rick" Perry | = | Err...a dry, rich prick |
| 14. Marco Antonio Rubio | = | O, a moronic brain! Out! |
| 15. Richard John Santorum | = | Ah! Disjunct horror, man! |
| 16. Donald John Trump Senior | = | Damn old pro joins the run |
| 17. Scott Walker | = | Act! Let's work! |
Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricatures: DonkeyHotey
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